Art of life..

I have only spent just under 24 years of life on this planet, and probably out of those 24 only about 10-15 years have been with some form of consciousness. However, I am amazed on how many changes I’ve seen in this very short span.

Rise and fall of some great personnel, world-conquering teams, feeble humans standing against the might of nature; plans coming together and things going absolutely perfectly and then a single moment breaking the years of build-up behind it. Personally, I’ve craved for so many things, spent hours giving my level best to achieve some results, and confoundingly when I achieved them, they meant nothing!

It is a very odd thing, the moment once you achieve something. It’s probably like climbing a very high mountain, you spent days doing so. You fight with the blistering winds, rough barren landscape, aching body, sleepless nights and God knows what other hurdles in your way just to reach the summit.

However, once you get there you forget everything that happened on the way, you feel elated, fulfilled, the sudden euphoria of feeling good about yourself.

Yet it doesn’t last; the feeling of containment lasts as long as you turn around and see that there is another peak in front of you that remains unclimbed. You immediately loose the sense of proportion to what you have achieved compared to the unbeaten challenge that lies ahead.

I remember my first flying experience. As a kid, I loved it when we all used to go to the airport regularly to drop my dad when he took flights around the country for his work. I remember we used to wait outside the airport at Quetta where we could see the planes taking off. There were no mobile phones, so we watched the runway side in anticipation as to when the plane will take off. We used to drive off only when it left the ground for air. Yet I kept my eyes fixed over the horizon to see the white gleaming bird disappearing in the distant skies.

But when I took my own first flight, somehow it left me amazed. Is that it? You take off with a thud, spend few hours constrained in a metal box, served something to eat from air hosts who are there doing their ‘job’ and you land back? I asked myself, is that the ‘charming’ plane travel that I was craving to do?

Then the story of army, it’s true I never actually wanted to join army – but when I first went to the selection centre and saw that more than 60,000 other youngsters are applying for Pakistan Military Academy, the sudden sense of competitiveness struck me. I felt that it would be a dent on my ‘pride’ if I failed to achieve this. I put in all the hard work I could have, running miles for building stamina, reading experiences of all previous applicants, getting advice from successful applicants and all that.

Yet as soon as I entered the gates of Pakistan Military Academy in Kakool, the curse of ‘un-fulfilment’ struck me. When everyone around me was proud of making it to the Academy out of 60,000 other candidates, I was thinking ‘ok, what now? I did get what I wanted, but what now?’

It’s not that I am driven by ‘desires’ to achieve more and more, rather contrary to that in every major review of my performance I’ve had with my managers, platoon commanders or personally with my friends – I’ve always been apprehended as having a ‘lack of ambition’. How many times I’ve heard people telling me that ‘you are not ambitious enough, look at all what you’ve got, you could achieve a hell lot more than what you have ’

Which always makes me think about what life really is? Isn’t it obvious that we keep chasing so many dreams in our life, so many objectives – but as soon as we achieve them, they loose all meaning! At the end of it, there is always something bigger to dream about, there is always something further to achieve.

Think about moving to a new city or house. When you move in, there is always that distinct, unique feeling of happiness; an odd sensation of ‘change’ that you can never describe in words. It feels amazing with new rooms, new neighbours and everything. However, slowly after the first few weeks that feeling evaporates. Everything again becomes a part of that ‘routine’; no matter how hard you try to conserve that feeling you can never have that sensation back again about the same very house that felt ‘new and brilliant’ some time ago.

It goes same for your new mobile, your new car, any new toy or gadget. You crave for something for ages, work hard towards it, probably save money for buying it, and make plans about using it. But as soon you ‘get’ there it often means nothing!

I wondered why is that? I started examining all my achievements, all my losses, the moments of pride and shame, the accounts of greatness and the tales of sadness, the feelings of love and the stories of hate. Frantically trying to make sense of it all, trying to find the missing piece to this jigsaw, clues to the solution, answer to the query!

And as again the answer was always out there!

Autumn, the answer was in the beautiful falling leaves. The yellowish-orange tinted leaves scattered around on roads and in parks at this time of the year.

I was standing beneath probably a few centuries old oak tree in the early morning haze in Oxford the other day when I saw this one leaf breaking from the branch and majestically making its way down to the ground.

It looked like an old warrior finally making his final journey. The yellow colour in the middle showing the signs of the hectic life it had lived. The green of the stem displaying the youth it once had. Beautiful plant patterns running across the face of it narrating the untold stories of love, hardships, friends and God knows what else he witnessed through his life.

The centuries old oak tree made a strange hissing sound due to the gentle breeze of morning, it felt like it was saying good-bye to one of its falling comrades. The other leaves on the tree were vibrating heavily with the wind as to waving their good byes to one of their own. It was truly nostalgic!

Nevertheless, it taught me the very thing I was searching for!

Life is after all just a journey.

A journey through things, people, feelings, achievements, losses, moments of joy, moments of sorrow, distances, travels, places, houses, loved ones, technologies, mobiles, laptops, lies, horrors, springs, devastations, hotels, restaurants, toys, landscapes, blizzards, storms, cuisines, sweets, clouds, and each and everything else. They are just parts of this journey, not the journey itself!

The reason why we feel unfulfilled after achieving everything is that we forget our journey and start focusing on the ‘things’ in that journey.

Shakespeare once said that the world is a stage and we all actors, but I think the reality is that the world is just an ‘act’. We are the audience, if we let our minds consumed by the act; we end up forgetting what is real.

The true art of life is the one of that leaf; it never forgets that it is in a constant journey. It grows after its birth; blossoms when its spring, reaches a refreshing green at the top of its life. However, as it reaches the top it starts turning yellow realising that as soon as the spring will be over it will have to leave the tree forever.

We are born without much apprehension; grow with each passing day in size and consciousness. We should blossom when its spring, but at the top of our strengths we should realise our journey and start planning for the 'final destination'.

If at any stage we loose focus of our journey, we will end up just as a rotten leaf!